Saturday, October 6, 2012

Happy Hunter Adventures: Part 1 Draft 1


The Chocolate Bane drifted through space; it was carrying cargo to a nearby planet. The Chocolate Bane was a large cargo ship it was in the possession of an adventurer named Happy Hunter and a reptilian creature named Dino. Dino was Happy’s best friend as well as his partner.
All of a sudden another ship flew up behind them, it was a small attack ship with the words Dark Suns written on it. Without a warning It opened rapid fire. Dino was piloting the ship and this outburst took him completely by surprise, he tried to swerve out of the line of fire. Happy Hunter rushed into the cockpit
“What the heck was that?” he demanded loudly
“Someone’s practicing target shooting” Even in high stress situations Dino could always come up with a humorous reply.
“Are we damaged badly?” Happy fell backward and smacked into the wall.
“Yup, appears so let out the smoke screen so we might be able to crash land and not explode in midair.
“Where are we going down?” questioned HH ignoring Dino’s remark.
“We might be able to make it to that planet” pointing at a screen a similar to an GPS .
“What level?”
“3”Answered Dino glumly
The levels Happy referred to were a way of classifying what “age” it was in 7 was current times. A  ships could not land on a planet below level 5 unless it was a absolute emergency. The A.P. (Allegiance of planets) had made up this way of classifying and protecting “young” planets, if the A.P.’s rule were broken you’d be lucky to be able to say “bob's your uncle” before you were silenced permanently.
With this in mind Dino aimed for a forest near a small town. Happy Hunter rushed to the weapons closet.
“Just the essentials no Advanced Assault Rifles, no laser snipers or any of that” Warned Dino “I’ll take my Classic Sniper”
“Damn the A.P. and their damned laws!” Yelled Happy “I’ll take my ray gun, shotgun, and Double machete. I don’t care i’m not leaving my raygun behind”
“Goodbye civilization” Whimpered Dino and they crashed. About five minute passed before Happy pointed out they were not dead. HH opened the door and walked out Dino followed him. They had landed in a dense forest, nothing but trees and leaves were visible.
“Location, location! We’re stuck out here with little food or water, no transport and we don’t know where the nearest village is! Couldn't have picked a better spot!” Exclaimed the very unhappy Hunter
“Maybe they could give us a ride!” pointing behind. Looking Happy saw an airship flying low, maybe to pick them up. Happy had heard of airships before, he had toured one before at The Steampunk Museum of History, but he had never really seen one in action.
The airship land about a 100 yard from where they stood a group of rugged looking men got out armed with “Primitive weapons”.
“Lets steal their ship!” Suggested the now very Happy Hunter
“Brilliant first thing make friend with the native!” Exclaimed Dino with a hint of sarcasm!
Five minutes later Happy had 7 captive, 13 weapon, and 1 airship richer than he was before. The now ecstatic Hunter sat in the captain's chair
“This isn't going to be so bad after all!” Happy looked at the annoyed reptile steering the confusing ship “Am i right?”
Dino just glared at him.

******

2 comments:

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  2. It has potential, I like it. However you need to be more concise. You have a tendency to be repetitive which makes things seem jumbled.


    All of a sudden another ship flew up behind them, it was a small attack ship with the words Dark Suns written on it.

    Try to make the above sentence more concise. Example.

    A small attack ship with the words Suns written on it suddenly flew up behind them.


    You forgot the closing quotation in the following sentences.

    “Yup, appears so let out the smoke screen so we might be able to crash land and not explode in midair.
    “We might be able to make it to that planet” pointing at a screen a similar to an GPS .


    There is no need for an exclamation mark at the end of sarcasm

    “Brilliant first thing make friend with the native!” Exclaimed Dino with a hint of sarcasm!


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